Why EA is stupid (Don't kill me, read)
by , 04-30-2010 at 12:28 PM (713 Views)
How dare you insult EA!!
Okay, okay, EA isn't stupid. But it could use a serious intelligence upgrade. And by intelligence I'm talking about its AI needs some serious help.
Why? Whats wrong with the AI?
Take this as an example: (long but fun to read I hope)
I'm a frog, I'm working on getting the last set of armor and I'm down in COA almost at the end of the Crom Key quest. I get to the very bottom and see Crom himself waiting. He is a Frog wearing full 15 armor, Wings of Crom, and holding a Death Oafy.
I prepare myself for a furious fight with this ancient frog who can crush that orb I got him with his bare hands.
He has his back turned. I sneak up carefully. I shoot him and then dive for cover behind a short stone pillar. I hear the blast of his weapon against the pillar. I look over the pillar and start to shoot at him, he fires back but continues to shoot the pillar instead of me. He gets within his ideal attack radius and then just stands there, not moving, firing at the pillar. I stop shooting for a moment to try to understand this new tactic, I look carefully at my foe to see if I can see obvious signs of head trauma or leg injury but I see nothing to indicate injury. Even the few shots I fired before have not done much at all to him.
Remembering my resolve to defeat him I resume firing at him. The fiery bolts of my Trinstnarack are bombarding every inch of him. I see the damage numbers flying, the damage is catastrophic! For three minutes I continue to blast him. Sweat is running down my face, my poor mind controlled Trinstnarack is beginning to groan with fatigue as I stuff more and more food down its gullet for it to spew back as rune flavored death. I brought a large supply of Trinstnarack food with me, hoping to be prepared for anything.
Now it has been eight minutes of non-stop 'combat'. I am exerting all my skills in mind control to force my weapon to continue firing despite its deathly fatigue. My plentiful supply of ammunition is almost entirely spent. I have long since lost any idea of how much damage I have inflicted on this foe who still stands, stone still, in front of me, shooting resolutely at the pillar between he and me.
Exhausted and worried for my pet I put it down and recite the incantation to summon my vehicle. A black poly-cycle forms around me. As I sit in the cockpit I rest for a moment and observe my target. He has not moved since we started our exchange, nor has he attempted to heal himself. He must have entirely forgotten the wings upon his back. He continues to fire at the impervious stone pillar as if he does not see that it obstructs his attacks. "Is this a frog?" I ask myself. "He shows nothing for which frogs are best. He is small but he does not move quickly, not does he fly. He does not dodge or weave and use his size to his advantage, he never uses the herbs to heal himself, nor does he hide. No, he just stands there and shoots the pillar as if his brain rolled out. HE IS STUPID!?!
Having rested for a moment I grab the controls to the mounted canon on my poly-cycle. A new resolve comes over me to put this poor simpleton out of his misery. The blast of the canon echoes off the walls of the cave as large bolts of blackened death slam into my target causing innumerable damage. This canon is much faster than my Trinstnarack, it can fire almost as fast as I can pull the trigger.
For another ten minutes I fire at my foe with the most deadly weapon I knew of. I continue to fire until even my finger screams with fatigue. The stone around my target has cracked and flaked, glowing red hot from the fury of my onslaught. I start to wonder if this foe can ever be defeated when suddenly he slumps over, dead.
As I loot his corpse I feel a sense of letdown and anticlimax. For twenty minutes I have blasted him causing damage in the hundreds of thousands. Normally such a foe would have been impossibly difficult yet this fight was rather boring. I almost snort as I imagine bragging to my friends about this battle, there was no honor or glory here to brag about.
The only challenging thing about him was the obscene quantity of hit points he had. In my wildest dreams I could imagine a frog with a thousand hit points, ten thousand would be utterly absurd, but a hundred thousand? Really? How gay is that?





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